Midlife is (beyond) time that we stopped worrying about being liked.
Women are complicated creatures. We are problem solvers, caretakers, nurturers and frequently, avid people-pleasers. All of that is fine, except that we can take the people-pleasing gig a little too far.
And when we do, we suppress our own needs and desires, frequently because we’re worrying about being liked and being likable.
But that’s got to stop. And there’s no better time than right now to kick that habit to the curb.
At midlife, it’s beyond time we realize that what others think of us is none of our business.
“A girl should be two things: who and what she wants.” – Coco Chanel
Let’s consider a few helpful thoughts to get us off the worried-if-they-like-me trail, you know, that circular path that leads to nowhere.
Understanding why you care.
What is going on when you begin to obsess over someone’s opinion of you? Are there certain people that trigger the worry? What power do they have over you?
By being aware of when you worry, and over whom, you can start to see the impact it has on you.
Consider, instead, how important is it to you that you follow your own instincts, that you do and say what feels true and authentic for you.
For many of us in midlife, the desire for authenticity rises up and become a higher priority. A need we can’t ignore.
And for good reason. Our gut knows this is our chapter two.
This is the chapter where there is no time to waste worrying about the little stuff.
Someone else’s opinion of you and whether they like you, is indeed the little stuff. I’ll bet you can quickly name at least fifty other concerns you have that are far more important to your life and well-being right now than whether so-and-so likes you.
“If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing.” – Margaret Thatcher
If you aren’t speaking your mind and taking actions that intuitively feel right to you because you are worrying about being liked, you are blowing it. You are blowing your opportunity to be brilliantly you.
“You are perfectly cast in your life. I can’t imagine anyone but you in the role. Go play.” – Lin Manuel Miranda
You are giving up your spot, your unique magic, your voice, and the joy that comes from being your authentic self and living your life fully.
You can’t control what other people think of you.
It’s no one’s fault, we are simply not designed to be liked by everyone.
Each of us is unique. We have individual looks, likes, tastes, talents, interests and passions. It makes sense that we don’t all agree on those things that make us who we are. What makes you you is no better or worse than what makes me me.
People often judge each other by the measure of themselves. Judgement is unavoidable and is out of our control. Judgement comes from other people’s fears and worries and is completely subjective.
Haters gonna hate.
You already knew this. There will always be haters. It’s quite alright not to be liked by everyone you meet.
Think about what a waste of time and energy it is to be worrying over being likeable. Instead, let’s apply that time and energy to the unashamed pursuit and expression of our individuality!
Turning your focus toward the positive and the productive – take a stand for yourself.
In the past, you may have passed up on speaking out or taking actions for fear of not being liked. I get it, it’s scary to break free from the worry of judgement and comparison.
We can experience paralyzing anxiety when we think about how others will react when we stop being pleasers.
But it’s so much more joyful when we get to the other side.
When we begin saying screw it.
Do you want to look back ten years from now at everything you wished you’d said or done but didn’t because you were too consumed with worrying about liked?
Nope, I heard you, you clearly said I don’t want that.
So, let it rip. For heaven’s sake, do you.
“Do your thing, and don’t care if they like it.” – Tina Fey
It’s a positive mindset shift: Decide to be respectfully honest and genuinely authentic, starting today.
Constantly worrying about being liked and pleasing others is exhausting and costs us our positivity and productivity.
That same energy is far better spent by us pursuing our wellness, our dreams, interests and passions, and on taking steps that lead us to feeling valued, purpose-filled and joyful.
Love yourself. No matter who you really are. And do your thing.
Cheers to a positive mindset shift. To letting go of people-pleasing and worrying… and to being comfortable letting them think what they will think. – Marlene
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