What You May Be Giving Up – Just to Be Nice
We all want to be nice, but there’s a line we need to draw when being too nice is draining our energy and ruining our day.
Where your good mood went
You know who you are if you’re guilty of letting OPD (Other People’s Drama) rile you up, drain your energy, and sidetrack you from own mission.
It goes like this… you’re feeling great, did your morning self-care, journaled, and are off to try to enjoy your day with the intention of feeling peaceful and being productive.
You’ve laid out your goals and tasks for the day. You’re high vibin’ and brimming with positive emotions – and then someone (insert an office mate, a friend, your partner, your teenager, or maybe a stranger in line at the bagel store) starts injecting drama into your otherwise serene scene.
Let me be clear here. I’m defining drama as unnecessary or exaggerated, tragic tornadic theatrics (how’s that for building a visual!?) surrounding something that either happened to them or is affecting their mood at the moment.
The drama usually stems from the littler stuff in life being irritating, the kind of stuff that shouldn’t require us joining in and getting emotionally dragged down with them. (Versus the bigger stuff, the true tragedies where we would be naturally troubled and sympathetic… i.e. the end of a relationship, a family loss, a serious health diagnosis.)
How you get sucked in.
It’s easy. They’ll share their drama without you asking for it. They’ll expect you to be as irritated and indignant about the drama as they are. After all, isn’t that how a nice person would react?
“When we dim our light to make others feel more comfortable, the whole world gets darker.” – Dr. Christiane Northrup
Remember that the drama sources are not usually fact-based irritants, but instead are opinion-based negativity storms that other people have brewed up. Frustration, gossip, and negativity that’s circling around in their mind and affecting their energy causing their desire to pull you into it.
Notice all the “theirs”. That’s just it. It’s their drama, not yours.
Choice is a beautiful thing.
This is where is gets infectious. By proximity, you’re in danger of catching that irritation and getting pulled into that negativity storm.
But you have a choice.
You can choose to be super nice and join in. You can say what you think a “nice” person would say, someone who’s willing to get on the drama train and takes a seat right beside them. You can dig your own ditch into negativity and drama right along side them and allow it to blow up your high vibin’ positive emotions and derail you from the peace you set up for your day.
You can choose not to participate in OPD.
Protect your energy.
Maybe it won’t come off as nice when you say, “Gee, that sucks, I hear you. Sorry you feel that way.” And you change the subject or move right along with your day.
That response is still kind (of nice) but allows you to put up an energetic shield and not be drained.
You can choose not to allow their mood to infect yours.
“Not my circus, not my monkey.” – Polish proverb
You can be sympathetic, but still not get on the drama train with them.
You can choose to be nice to yourself and sidestep their storm. You can listen and have empathy but not emotionally enter their story.
What are you giving up to be nice?
Consider what you give up just to be nice. I’m sure you could write a never-ending list.
In many cases, we don’t want to change that aspect of ourselves. Being nice is admirable and a part what makes us, well… us.
It’s a piece of what allows us to be loving mothers, nurturing friends, understanding spouses, encouraging bosses, kind neighbors.
But let’s not go too far.
Ask yourself how much your peace and energy are worth to you. I find, it’s almost never worth the drain and destruction of being sucked into the vortex of other people’s drama.
We can still be kind and not go too far.
Consider making the small but powerful shift of not always sacrificing your energy just to be nice. – Marlene
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